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Showing posts with the label Journal

when you are not okay

You ever had those days where Life is just beating you up where you feel overwhelmed about everything in life that seems to be working against you where it feels like everything is falling apart sometimes you are just not okay and if you are like me, it hurts so much to think that you are not Perfect. Media and society tell us that we should be better we should be farther along in our Career, you should have this materialistic thing to be happy or whatever and though it is important to constantly keep growing but we take this message in its extreme form, Where we police ourselves and shame ourselves for not being Perfect. We are horrified that "Oh my God! I am not living the Perfect Life". We end up beating ourselves so much because of that. While in this Quarantine I've had so many days lately where I compared myself to my friends with regular jobs and here I am draining my bank account as a Freelancer. We all have moments some may be more than others.  A quick

Lockdown #3: Finding the Passion

It’s gonna take me a while to get back in the swing of things, but it is good to be writing again. Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing those things I am the most passionate about. I am not certain when or why that happened. I only know that it has been an extended period of time since I have done those things I used to be the most passionate about, writing, making beats and serious photography. The simple explanation could be that I got bored with it all. That may still be true but I think perhaps that it is more than that. I seem to have forgotten that there is a big difference between simply existing and actually living. If I am going to find my passions again, I need to start exploring more avenues in life. I need to find out what does excite me about living again. I may choose the wrong paths along the way, but that is what learning to live again is all about. Where the heck do I start? Is there a magic secret to it all? One thing I do know about myself is that when I do

Lockdown #2: Discipline

Welcome to Prateek's Lockdown Diary again, how are you guys doing ??? The longer you go without working out, the less tone you get, the more weight you gain, the less likely you’ll ever start working out again. The longer you go without posting a journal, the more anxious you get about posting one, the less likely you’ll start posting again. Same paradox. Morning! woke up on the sofa. The TV’s on. because last night out of sheer boredom I started watching "The Vanishing of Sidney Hall" at an odd hour but let me tell you its a great movie ! It’s 5am. You turn the TV off and you sit there. You feel a little groggy, No bread and No sugar. did the same old breakfast and watched some News again about this demon Coronavirus. Took a shower. Clean up the room. helped my mother doing the laundry. Talked to my Life in Mumbai and she gave me few other things to think about, so I'd get my mind of this Pandemic because i just couldn't stop talking about this Covid-19

Social Lubrication and Anger Management

Social lubricant. It’s not possible to have an awkward moment when you're with me, not even after this ultimate question. “Like what the fuck is going on!?” a straight depressive face at a Clubbing Event in Colaba, Mumbai. duderino ! can't stop it. I was born with it. obviously the sane one understood it the second I told them but some people just like to be a little judgy but can't do anything to stop them too. One of my most endearing traits is that I think to an ultimate extent. I mean if you're with me you'll always see my weird fingers doing something, yeah, its that Anxious Lubrication happening to my body at all times. About Anger Management: I realize that anger is a natural emotion that we can’t always control feeling but we certainly have the power to choose how we are going to respond to that anger. If we scream, holler, stomp our feet and throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum what are we gonna solve besides dragging everyone else down with us?

the magic

Every journey starts with that first step, even knowing that there may be several course corrections along the way. It’s not enough to dream and plan. At some point, you have to take action, even if you’re not quite sure where you’re headed. I have spent 2 years now dreaming about converting my non-fiction manuscript into a book but I don't know where I'm going wrong because its just not happening. The Editor assigned to me by a literary agent is giving up on me now, I just can't find the perfect balance in the storyline and realism it leads upto. One thing I do know about myself is that when I don’t have new challenges, I tend to get bored. When that happens, I just sort of go on autopilot. I go through the motions, where the excitement dissipates quickly. For me, it is like trekking the same forest over and over again. Even though you see new things each time you go, eventually it just gets old. Step one for me will be taking some random online classes to check out thing

Realist

I want to live on the other side, I want to live on the edge, man. Looks like fun, Everything is so happy and seriously, talking I don't how long I am going to feel this way, its great! So, for a very longtime I had a crush on this girl and yesterday I went to her and straight up said, HEY ! whats up... she was so surprised because i have never ever talked to her at work, I'm always very quiet. She thought it was funny we had a conversation it went very smoothly, obviously nothing happened but i really do think that she might be wondering what has happened to me. I mean its crazy, even i didn't know what happened to me yesterday. I daydream a lot. Like all the time. because of that I lose attention talking to other people. but I'm a realist I always confess everything here on this journal, and I also think that girl, whom i talked to do not read this at all. Why I'm being so fidgety here I'm never like this. Lost in Thoughts. I'm so done with this College

super cheat week

The longer you go without working out, the more muscle mass you loose, the more weight you gain, the less likely you’ll start working out again. Same goes with posting journals the longer you go without posting the more anxious you get about actually posting one, the less likely you’ll start posting again. It’s like living in a world full of everything and nothing. So, my day started and i randomly decided that this whole week will be a super cheat week and is going to be filled with Fizzy Beverages, Beer, Burger King, and all the other poisonous things you can think of. Complete Freaking Freedom. About Writing my manuscripts are almost at final stages and more on this subject is coming later, but once in a blue moon I always have a day like this where I seem to get my life in order in merely a few hours. I always think that this might transfer over to tomorrow but it rarely does. Right back to latency; it is perplexing. I promise that i will achieve all these things one day: St

Accurate

Hey Everyone... Longtime No See... well I've been busy the last 15 days. 15 days is actually a really longtime in journal days, its like a whole fad has gone by or something. anyway, Inspiration doesn't come easy as you think it does, I had some experiences in the past where i learnt this in the hardest way possible. The Time when all of my ideas fell apart sometimes i feel happy about that time because i knew that i was only letting myself down,  i totally hate it when i let other people down. I’m in a good place right now, and to answer why i am not with my commercial writing clan anymore because: Rather than express whatever angst and malaise that gets dealt my way by writing profane drafts, scripts and posts littered with curse words and crude allegories. I'd rather love to spend time imagining how immensely beautiful this life has the perfect potential of being. Sincerely, I'm done with those people who always tried to take credit of the work i did in my unaccount

Cathartic

The hardest part of being a writer is still the first read allowing yourself to be that vulnerable. well that was some way to start this post anyway someone asked me "Do you have Low Self-Esteem ?" and i was not even shocked because i took no time in replying by saying "NO !" to that person, I know that i have a resting depressed face but saying that i have Low Self Esteem is just the next level of Judging people especially when you don't even know me that well !.!.! We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times but i'm pretty sure the decisions i have made have done a lot of good things for me. Achieving your goals always help to increase your self-esteem. I have always encouraged criticism about me and my opinions but saying the mean things like these causes so much low-confidence Seriously please don't say that to anyone. Negative things can bring people down so much. The only way to cope with these types of situations is by avoiding things and

Tell Me Again

Ayo ! self diagnosed ADD victim and a positively Depressed nerd is back again. I don't have anytime to update my journal these days Seriously, i diary the events happening around me but there is not much time to compile them into something fresh. Creativity and Enthusiasm are still at a high note but Aimless words, Morning pages and indulgent activities are making it hard to give them that miraculous touch like the past times. My friendly therapist suggested me that i should get back to taking some addys(adderall) monthly. I am choosing not to take them anymore because of the past history(lol you know it !!), I really learned my lesson well. READ WALK WRITE.... deuces !.!.! Thanks For Reading Prateek Gupta 11:49 AM Delhi, India --------

Sense

Oh... hello ! just found out that i abandoned this journal again but right now there is this weird urge to write about Entertainment Industry scenario in India(mainly Bollywood) few months back a bollywood movie of Ranbir Kapoor released namely "JAGGA JASOOS" i didn't really bother seeing that movie back then but today i saw it...(Ranbir fans i am about to hurt you right now) WORSE movie ever i mean come on ! DISNEY is putting their money on the line to produce this nonsense simply that storyline sucked, I know some super talented people who would kill to get that opportunity to work with the leading producers in... DISNEY banner is the boss of World Media if you get associated with disney then no one can question your talent !!! the movie could've been so much better if they tooked this to a more comical way... and one more thing casting directors should stop going for big names when it comes to cast artists in lead roles because their(Ranbir) work is s**t. If Bolly

Hyped

Another day another story to tell life is running its course let the chips fall wherever they may i am enjoying this ride and these days i am living it to the fullest i've never been happier like this all of this is happening to me for the first time everything is sorted out. The key to keep writing is to keep living i don't care anymore about the people who hate me i am doing me i am happy and i am loving every bit of work i am doing i am getting excited about the future with no worries at all it feels great that my mad past is over i am glad that happiness is all around me last year i did an experiment with my future and it turned out to be right i am hyped over everything... i have learned that if you strategize something right than it will happen you just need to be consistent while you're doing things... by the way my entertainment site operations are moving to wordpress next week... i am hyped .!.!.!.! Thanks For Reading Prateek Gupta 9:56 PM Delhi,